your bravest life

“Brave” is having a moment and I couldn’t be happier about it because I have been brave in one way or another almost every day of my life.  So have YOU!  It’s true, but I’d bet you wouldn’t say so.  We all know how to identify “fear/anxiety” as that FEELING in the pit of your stomach, big or small…but we rarely recognize “brave” when it’s happening because we’re conditioned to only look for the extraordinary.  Yes, brave applies to moments of incredible strength, struggle, and heroism, but brave most often applies to everyday moments of risk taking, vulnerability and sacrifice.

One of Eleanor Roosevelt’s most famous quotes tells us to, “Do something every day that scares you”.  I confess that for YEARS, I shrugged when I read it because I’m scared of shark diving and eating raw blowfish but my daily life doesn’t offer many opportunities to face those fears.  It turns out, I was thinking WAY too big because being “scared” is really just about being uncomfortable, vulnerable, or stretched to a limit…and there are plenty of things that “scare” me in the course of a day that I hadn’t given proper credit.  Like what?  Trying to make friends with new people scares me (yes, even someone people consider “outgoing” like me has social anxiety!).  There are conversations I’m sometimes scared to have with people I love.  I’m nervous about wearing the amazing leather moto jacket that has been hanging in my closet for two years because I’m not sure I can pull it off.  Searching for the wisest, most perfect words to explain something important to my children can be downright paralyzing.  And THIS.  This scares me…telling you what I’m scared of.  Because what if telling you what scares me makes you doubt that I am capable and brave?

The most important (and maybe hardest) thing to understand is that “fear” and “brave” actually need each other; real courage can’t show up until you admit that you are afraid/anxious/unsure.  Only by naming a fear can we truly strip away its power over how honestly we show up in the world.  In her book I Thought It Was Just Me, Brené Brown offers one of the earliest definitions of the word courage to illustrate that brave is more about who we are than what we do.

Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as “ordinary courage.”

Let that definition sink in, “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”  That means that the bravest thing we can do is to be who we really are.  Out loud and on purpose.  When I first read that passage, I found myself wishing that the Eleanor Roosevelt quote really did only apply to shark diving because making new friends while finally wearing my moto jacket is a fear I’m more likely to actually face!  But, as it turns out, a much more important one in living a life that I love.  So each day I draw the strength I need to meet my daily challenges from one of my favorite quotes about courage.

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I’ll try again tomorrow.  ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

I have had my share of experiences that called for a roar, but throughout my life it has most often been the quiet voice that has been my guide and my center.  Each day we are called on to take risks, get uncomfortable, and be vulnerable in moments that may result in us falling short, getting hurt, disappointing others, and letting messages of “not enough” sink too deep.  Each day also gives us a chance to try again.  And trying is where brave lives.

Brave is personal so take time today to notice what scares you.  Offer yourself grace for being a little “different”.  Give something another try that you have already failed at.  Press “publish” on a blog post that has languished on your hard drive for long enough.  And then just quietly mark that moment, and the next one, and the next…they will add up quickly and you will be on your way to seeing and believing in your own brave.  Look for brave in others and lift it up.  Remember, “courage is a heart word.”  Listen to that quiet voice because it is your guide to your most meaningful life.